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Thaag0matic01

Fun FactsEdit

Name: Thaag Mea Va'a (pronounced Thog May-ah Vah-ah)

Race: Troll (Darkspear Tribe)

Clan: Tidestalker

Gender: Female

Age: 20 (well into adulthood for a troll)

Occupation: BoomKrafter General of Thaag-0-Matic™ BoomKrafting, Smuggler, Protector of the Tidestalker Clan

Birthplace: On a boat in the South Seas

Family members: Parents Papa 'Olelo (deceased), Mama Pualani; Sisters LeVeau, Blivi, Kehau-Lani; Brother Kalei; Uncle Glacizin; clanmate Calyptra

Other associates: Vinklo, smuggling partner; Lorinni Longstep, apprentice BoomKrafter; Jenoir Spiritwind; Mari e'le Veau

Organizations: Caffeine, her guild; GEEK (Goblin Experimental Engineering Korporation)

Brand Name: Thaag-0-Matic™

What You Will SeeEdit

Thaag is approximately seven feet tall and lanky, like most troll women. She keeps her blue hair in typical Tidestalker fashion, with added wires shot through her dreadlocks, and tiny, colored lights on the ends of her dreads. Over several parts of her body she has small gold disks planted directly into her skin, notably on her arms, temples, and down her back. She will tell whomever asks that they make her armor enhancements work better, whatever that means. She always has goggles on, with other sets of goggles hanging around her neck, and usually wears a fully-stocked toolbelt in addition to any other field equipment.

Her satchel bears the following stencil in blinking red letters:

ASK ME ABOUT THAAG-0-MATIC BOOMKRAFTING!

Her Orcish is horrible, heavily accented.

Some Other StuffEdit

Thaag, despite her inability to speak clearly in any language other than Zandali, is an avid bookworm and has learned how to read in just about any written language. She has a real thirst for knowledge, especially in history, and has often quietly sneaked into dangerous places just to find a book she heard about. Magical tomes she couldn't care less about. She prefers to leave religious and arcane subjects alone, as they are confusing to her mechanical inclinations.

Although she despises pirates, petty smuggling isn't out of the question. She, like her Steamwheedle peers, believes in freedom of trade, and will circumvent or outright break restrictive Horde-Alliance trade laws to ensure the lines of cash and goods remain open. This isn't out of greed, and she will not smuggle anything that will give military advantage to one faction or the other. She mainly ferries domestic goods and personal equipment.

She prefers to be addressed by her name, or by "Boss/Boss Lady." Unless you are an ogre, bowing to her will earn you a horridly-worded speech about how only ogres are allowed to bow to her. She's not long on pretension.

Now For the Obligatory History LessonEdit

If puberty wasn't bad enough, murlocs crawled out of the ocean one night and onto her Clan's fishing fleet (composed mostly of rafts, canoes, kayaks, and catamarans), killing most of the Clan and scattering the rest. Kalei, her brother, harpooned several of the fiends alongside Papa 'Olelo, while Mama Pualani sprayed noxious powders on the others with the help of the eldest daughter LeVeau. Thaag huddled in the hull of the family's catamaran with Kalei's twin sister Blivi and the little Kehau-lani, with a threshadon fang in each fist. Luckily, the fangs stayed dry that night.

After the battle, Papa 'Olelo made words with the new Chief Sen'Jin and the strange green men who came in huge, sailed canoes the like Thaag had never seen. The green men seemed nice, although watching them chop through murlocs still made her a bit scared of them. Papa 'Olelo told the family he'd agreed to help the green men find their way to a faraway land which the ancient sea charts said was there. Thaag had her doubts: those sea charts had been copied from older charts, and on and on into antiquity, and there was no knowing whether a stupid scribe had added something to it. Papa 'Olelo insisted he had seen the land when he was barely as old as Kalei and Blivi, when he and his father had been blown off their whale-hunting route by a typhoon. He said they were afraid to land, but it proved the charts right.

And so it did. However, the beautiful islands proved too dangerous for the Tidestalkers, and they said "Eff this" (a Zandali term for "Eff this") and decided to sail to Ratchet where goblins didn't put up with voodoo witch doctors performing mind control wars.

'Olelo worked for Gazlowe who, although rather mistrustful of trolls in general, was impressed with the old troll's knowledge of the sea and made him the chief navigator on the shipping line with Booty Bay. Although 'Olelo has since Gone To The Sea himself, Gazlowe still hires trolls to chart his boats' paths through the ocean. Go look for yourself.

The family settled in a house outside the city limits. 'Olelo rented time for his children to use Gazlowe's observatory in order to learn the sky like all proper sailors. Thaag became quite impressed with the gadgetry of it all and begged her father to apprentice her to a GEEK artisan.

In addition to learning to her heart's content about everything to do with guns, steam and combustion engines, and fireworks, she spent some free time collecting for Gazlowe's Thumb Bounty. Thaag found the Thumb Bounty worthy as pirates' thumbs, the object of the bounty, were usually attached to a defiler of the Mother Ocean. Troublesome pirates had to be dealt with, and even if the pirate somehow survived Thaag's ambushes, the scum'd never hold a harpoon again. Much more often than not, though, the Tidestalker family ate well after a successful Thumb Bounty. We don't talk much about that.

Thaag ended up also amusing herself with the Black Boutique of Booty Bay. Her contact on the other side of the smuggling fence is a shady Night Elf. She's learned a bit of Darnassian from him but, bless her, her command of speaking it is even worse than her orcish. You don't learn much orcish in the compulsory orcish classes when your nose is buried to your brows in Carburetors' Weekly Illustrated which you just kyped out of Gazlowe's office before lesson time.

Thaag has since raised the money required to submit a Proper Business Plan and receive the privilege of starting up her very own Shrine of the Great Tinker Loa, known in Kezanese as a mechanic's workshop. She calls it Thaag-0-Matic™ BoomKrafting LLC, and the coffee is always fresh and hot.

Thaag is especially proud of her work in the Northrend War Effort, when she volunteered to be on the (very large) crew of (rowdy) mechanics who tuned the engines of the Zeppelins and the Orgrim's Hammer so they could fly in the frigid wastes. It would have been a disaster due to the frequency of drunken parties, had not one of them in a fit of rage (having lost a game of Dozens) dumped no less than twenty-three barrels of Mojache Moonshine into the fuel mixture. This turned out to be a huge breakthrough since it lowered the freezing temperature of the fuel. Camp Mojache has since gotten pretty new tents and gravel paving on the previously muddy road.

Thaag refers to her vocation in the orcish translation of the Zandali words iki tiki glob or "Grease Monkey," and to her sneaky avocation in the orcish translation of the Zandali word kwiichosi describing rogues as "Tricksy Ones" (due to the clever trickery of Kwiicho, a primal troll in trollish tales).

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